I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My vagina is officially offended.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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