I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
