we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
