Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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