the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
