In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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