totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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