he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
