so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
