Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
