between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
