The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
