I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
