Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
