i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
