Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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