Don't make out with my wife yet
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
