I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
