I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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