The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She has the best kind of daddy issues
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
