So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
This house was built for laser tag.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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