So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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