I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
