I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
