ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
