this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
