The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
