my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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