Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
