Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Welp...herpes.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
