Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
