You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
dude. I can hear the air.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
