just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
