she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
