I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Randomize