So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Randomize
