So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
