Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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