Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
