I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
