my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
