Having a random hookup so left but love u
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
