I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
