I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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