; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
