So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
