the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
