it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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