she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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