Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
