this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
