the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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