i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
