do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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