it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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