roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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