i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
