How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize