What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
