we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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