dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How does one acquire holy water?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
