What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
