I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
