but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
