I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
