Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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