dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
