So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
