If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
