Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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