I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize