My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize