There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
