being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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