brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So many bounce houses so little time
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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