why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
