Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
