I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
