He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
