Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
