I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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