sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
