It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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