what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
