Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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