If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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