look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize