Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
