Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
