I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
