k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
