She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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