Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
